How to Hug a Girl
Although ‘How to hug a girl’ may seem like a rather embarrassing question to ask, the act itself, especially when female company is something new to you, can be quite daunting. Breaking the touch barrier in any type of relationship has its complications although this guide should help you along your way to make things seem more natural. Remember: Things are only ever as awkward as you make them.
1- Make sure that you know her well enough already. You can’t just go around hugging girls you don’t know! See How to act around girls or even How to talk to a girl you like for the first time should you not yet have reached this stage.
2- Know that she does not have to have romantic feelings for you before you make non-sexual physical contact. Physical contact is actually easier to make prior to this as there is less sexual tension and therefore less stigma attached to it. Establishing physical contact early on can actually encourage romantic feelings providing that it is done in the right way.
3- Act confidently. You don’t have to be confident to ‘act’ confidently. If you act, often you will become more confident to match.
4- Stay out of the friend zone. Whether on a night out or developing this relationship in college/high school, if the proceedings are not carefully managed, it is far too easy to fall into the ‘friend zone’. Keep conversation fun and flirty (but not sleazy).
5- Be chivalrous. Open doors, offer to carry her bags. Do not make a grand gesture about it as then you’re putting pressure on the situation.
6- Time to break the touch barrier! You need to have done this before going in for a full-on hug! Hold out your elbow and then smile at her when walking down the street but don’t make a big deal of it! Holding out your elbow is an unobtrusive way of encouraging contact however should the gesture be missed or ignored, it’s very easy to continue walking and to act like nothing has happened.
7- Take baby steps. A brief hand on the upper back or shoulder as you’re chatting to other people referring to her, or when making a passing comment to her, providing you are comfortable in doing so, should not receive negative response.
8- Observe body language. See How to read body language.
9- Pick a good moment for a hug such as: Congratulating her if she’s excited having achieved something (open up your arms and approach smiling. The hug should be short and strong and even take the weight off of her slightly if you’re tall enough), consoling her if she’s upset if you’re both alone (open up and let her come to you. The hug should be longer and soft), or even when just greeting (approach slowly yet smiling. Open your arms to communicate you intent but don’t linger. The hug should be warm, unobtrusive, yet short).
10- Error on the side of ‘too short’. Always keep her wanting more and don’t have her be the first to pull away having let the hug go on for too long. In order to achieve this when consoling her however, don’t retract, just have a loose contact with her and pay attention to when she wants to pull away.
11- Be the man! There are many different ways to hug such as both of your arms above hers like a bear, or an arm draped over her shoulder, just make sure that you come across as the dominant character in the hug.
12- Be weary of hugging from behind. This should be something that you should only do when the girl is more comfortable with you and perhaps if she likes surprises. Hands on her hips or around her waist may be appropriate.
Do not touch the chest, back side, hips or upper leg. This is not appropriate unless you’re already romantically involved and the other party has consented for you to do so.
Dance! Dancing is a non-threatening way of establishing contact and in developing a bond. Close dancing will encourage hugging.
Be well kept and clean. Nobody wants to be hugged by a dirty person!
Some people simply do not appreciate physical contact. Be respectful of this.