How to Pick Up a Girl in a Bar
We’ve decided that we’re not after love so we want to know how to pick up a girl in a bar. As we are looking for a different kind of girl, our angle will differ slightly than a usual courtship approach, however care and tact still needs to be taken.
1- Get her attention. Depending on the setting this can take many forms, but the key here is moderation. Act confidently but do not be over the top with your attention seeking. Even if you are not a very confident person, you can still ‘act’ confidently. In the first circumstance it is useful if you can get noticed without her realising that you are trying to attract her attention as, unfortunately, it is base human nature to want what you can’t have. Being slightly mysterious in the initial stages of courtship can go a long way further down the line. Wearing bright colours (“Peacocking”) is a subtle approach to this.
2- Get eye contact. Once you have her attention begin initiating eye contact. Eye contact is an incredibly powerful tool in enticing interest, however be aware that spending too much time in this phase can make an approach much harder and sometimes quite uncomfortable. Once you have made eye contact, make an introduction.
3- Make an introduction. The introductions ‘out of the blue’ may seem a little alien to most people so if you can be introduced by a friend who knows her already, this could be useful. If you are making an introduction ‘from scratch’, be forward and confident. Chat up lines are risky so you’re simply better just to offer them a drink with your introduction. Something along the lines of “Hi, I’m Joe, can I buy you a drink?” will more than suffice. Keep it simple and things will only ever be as uncomfortable as you make it! Providing that you are not sleazy with your approach, smile, and have not prefixed the introduction with eye contact that has been going on for way too long, at the very least the introduction will be politely received.
4- Be flirtatious. Providing you have followed step 1 and have judged he situation well, conversation should develop. Keep it fun. Try and let the young lady talk whilst you carefully listen, as remaining attentive yet still mysterious (i.e. you haven’t divulged your life story un-prompted), paints you in more attractive light.
5- Let them ‘own’ the conversation. Slight moments of discomfort and pauses in conversation are good as they keep the nature of the conversation flirtatious. In these brief moments, do not make it look like you’re trying to think of conversation, instead fill them with an action such as ordering drinks, or even making a compliment. Test the water by starting to throw out low-level “bait” i.e. subtle jokes that hint at sexual interest. A good baiting statement should be un-intrusive, playful, and fairly ambiguous. She will hopefully reciprocate with the same kind of “Baiting” so pay attention to what she says! Make it clear through a cheeky smile (or similar) that you have understood any subtle messages of this type that she may have sent you. Wait for her to continue conversation.
6- Make a move / ask her out. Unless dancing it’s not appropriate to move in for a kiss at this stage. Usual social protocol suggests that you ask the young lady out on a date, or at least ask them back to yours! Although you may not wish to use such language, make sure that the request is delivered in a manner whereby the lady cannot misinterpret the request as 2 friends meeting up. Be confident in your delivery of the question, just as if you were enquiring into her favourite colour. Smile in the silence as she formulates a response and do not offer her an alternative.
7- Move in for the kiss if appropriate (see How to Kiss).
Some things are best left unspoken i.e. the mystery and allure of flirting with someone should not be ruined by raising the issue verbally.
Expect to get knocked back. You haven’t developed any feelings for this woman, so don’t take offence to be rejected, just play the odds and try it on with the next. You may get nine no answers before you get a yes.