How to Shave Your Balls
A little out there I know, but gone are the days when B.O. and copious amounts of man bush impressed a potentially mate. Unfortunately for our drains, the modern man is expected to maintain nearly similar levels of hairlessness as the smooth, curvy, hairless-as-a-porpoise objects of our affections. Knowing how to properly shave your balls and crotch will provide the best results with the least chance of causing damage.
The fact that we, as adolescent gentry, once boasted over our level of crotchal sprouting, combined with the sheer potential for disaster, makes it understandable that you may have reservations about taking a razor to your manhood, however MGTE are here to guide you through this hopefully painless process. If it doubt, or freaking out, just think about how much bigger your gonna look when all that hair is gone!
1- Find a suitable place. Big tip from the pro…. Don’t dry shave using clippers when there’s a breeze blowing! Still air over a sweep-able surface is best, preferably out of sight of your next door neighbour.
2- Relax and take your time. You don’t want to be uncomfortable or in a rush. You may be here for nearly 30 minutes. Whip off your pants and let’s get going.
3- Use clippers to get a soft feel. Although your clippers may have a safety guard, it does not mean that they are entirely safe! To avoid chopping up wrinkles in the skin, keep the skin pulled tight! Shave all interested areas as closely as your nerves allow. You most likely have hairy thighs, so don’t just have a definitive line from hair to no-hair as you approach your crotch- this looks ridiculous! Fade from hair to no-hair through easing the trimmers away from your skin. I am usually happy finishing here; the clipper finish is plenty for me, but if you want full removal, read on…
4- Always keep an eye on the mess you’re making. Hoover or sweep up the hair before it gets blown around the house!
5- If you want to clean shave, boil the kettle. Hot razor blades cut better and with less irritation! It’s best to put the boiling water into a sensible container rather than the sink as rapid heating/cooling can damage some sink surfaces. Keep the blades submerged but not the handle!
6- Don’t be a dirty boy, wash! Exfoliating or washing with warm water and gentle soap will soften the hairs allowing for easier shaving. Open pours also allow for a closer shave.
7- Sit or kneel on a towel. This allows for easy access and will stop you from slipping on a wet floor. Slipping with a blade against your delicate areas could be disastrous!
8- Apply shaving gel. Ensure that all areas to be shaved are covered with foam or gel (some gels are designed to be lathered into a foam before applying so be sure to read the label.
9- Hold the shaver correctly. Shake excess hot water off of the blade before putting it against your delicate areas! The head of the shaver should be flat against your skin with the handle roughly 30 degrees or so. Keep the razor against your skin but do not apply pressure.
10- Pull the skin tight. Do not shave over wrinkled areas! Re-adjust your grip with each stroke or part stroke in order to insure you do not catch any spare skin!
11- Shave in the right direction. Shaving from the centre of your testicles towards your inseam minimises chances of cutting yourself. When shaving the base of your penis, draw from the shaft downwards having gently stretched your self away from your body in order to keep the skin tight. Always draw in a straight line perpendicular to the angle of the blades (don’t run your razor across your skin in the same direction of the blades- that’s just retarded and you’ll cut yourself!). Try and draw over each area only once to avoid irritation.
12- Rinse out the blades after each stroke in the very hot water. Be sure to remove all hairs from the blades before drawing another line.
13- Pat dry and moisturise. Do not rub your raw delicate areas with a towel as this will results in irritation. Moisturise thoroughly.
14- If you’ve managed to cut yourself use antiseptic healing cream over the affected area.
15- If you want to minimise the rate of return of the hair, use an epilator... Yes, that’s right, epilators do work (brilliantly), but f*ck me they hurt!
– Keep your skin pulled tight at all times, this avoids nicking your skin and allows for a smoother shave.
– Take your time shaving. Do not do it in a rush!
– If you start to rash, use antiseptic healing cream.
– Your bum bum is a very sensitive and delicate area to shave and is better waxed… Proceed with extreme caution if at all!!
– Thoroughly wash your razor after every time you use it in order to prolong its’ life by preventing rust. Depending on the thickness of your hair and how often you shave, a decent blade, such as a Mach 3, should last at least 6 shaves.
– If you feel the blade scratch your skin or it isn’t cutting effectively, replace the blade.