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How to Start a Conversation When You Have Nothing to Talk About

How to Start a Conversation When You Have Nothing to Talk About

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  1. Start at the beginning, properly introduce yourself, offer your hand and get their name.
  2. Flow seamlessly into two truths.
  3. Smile (although not disconcertingly!).
  4. We have two ears and one mouth so use them in that proportion.
  5. Progress onto everyone’s favourite topics of conversation- themselves.
  6. Identify what they’re passionate about.
  7. Do not allow conversational subjects to drag out.
  8. Attain balance in debate.
  9. Stay confident.
  10. Be sensitive to those nervous, shy, or struggling for conversation.

Equipment

Catherine Blyth has written a series of very well respected books on The Art of Conversation
The Art of Conversation

How to Start a Conversation When You Have Nothing to Talk About

All too often do we find ourselves left stranded standing next to someone that we don’t know and are put on the spot to make conversation. This doesn’t have to be a painful experience. Remember, things are only ever as awkward as you make them.

Photo Credit: Designlazy.com

Steps

1- Start at the beginning, properly introduce yourself, offer your hand and get their name. Repeat their name to make sure that it sinks in.

2- Flow seamlessly into two truths. Upon meeting someone, always begin a conversation with two universal truths that they cannot help but agree with as this immediately has the person establishing empathy with you. If it has to be small talk about the weather to start with then so be it (although something a little more contextual such as the situation or décor might be more relevant).

3- Smile (although not disconcertingly!). Smiling can help calm nerves during the initial inevitable silences.

4- We have two ears and one mouth so use them in that proportion. Listening is the key skill essential in the art of conversation. Nod, agree and smile. Listen to what they’re saying and reiterate to them, in your own words, important aspects of any point that they are making. This shows that you’re being attentive. Probe further into their response by asking questions.

5- Progress onto everyone’s favourite topics of conversation- themselves. Ask open ended questions about what they do. Although it is good to probe further, do not interrupt them. Probing can be quite intrusive if over used. Asking questions using “Why?” can be poorly received, so use gentler probes. Bear in mind that they may have been talking about their business all day so perhaps it might be a breath of fresh air to them to have a less formal line of enquiry (their hobbies for example).

6- Identify what they’re passionate about. Identifying what a person feels passionate about and encouraging them to discuss it will help you engage this person on a deeper, more emotional level. Chat shouldn’t be just about ‘business’.

7- Do not allow conversational subjects to drag out. If you sense that a particular line of conversation might be tailing off, look for a related parallel i.e. “Yes I think it’s great what they’re doing with the new bank, but what about that huge development out of town?!”

8- Attain balance in debate. Should you disagree with a point that they have made yet it be insignificant, let it slide so to not appear argumentative, but at the same time, do not be too agreeable as this can be boring. If you wish to debate a point, first clarify the point that they have made by reiterating it back to them, and then respond with your argument (using “and” rather than “but” is less antagonistic). Accept that some people cannot argue rationally! Should they not be able to provide a rational response, silently accept victory in your point, nod politely, and drop the issue. Avoid conversation matter that may encourage an argument i.e. politics or religion.

9- Stay confident. Confidence is an attractive quality for potential business partners, new friends or potential lovers. Acting confident is just that- ‘Acting’.

10- Be sensitive to those nervous, shy, or struggling for conversation. If your conversation partner seems uninterested, do not try too hard. Simply smile and say that it was nice to meet them before moving on.

Tips

If the other person is practising open listening, take the cue and talk although do not disclose your whole life story, allow plenty of pauses for the other person to interject.

Think before talking especially when meeting new people. 2 seconds of silence may seem like a long time when it’s your turn to speak, but realistically it will go unnoticed by your conversation partner.

Develop a catalogue of interesting talking points or humorous anecdotes although don’t overuse them. Don’t be “that guy” who’s telling “that same story again”.

Observe body language for clues. See: How to read body language

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