1- Understand that it is not ok to be jealous, this is a ‘you’ problem. You being jealous is your insecurity, your problem. Deal with it before it drives you apart. If you seriously cannot trust your girlfriend, don’t be with her. Period. If she has an issue with the way that you interact with women, assure her that they are only your friends and that you are not interested in them. Be clear that you will not put up with her being jealous of other girls.

2- Voice any concerns that you have but do it only once! Pick a time when neither of you are emotionally aroused. Do not state an ultimatum, do not threat, simply mention that you feel that you feel that your relationship is threatened by this other person and just ask your partner/friend to be aware of that. As long as this is the first time that you’ve mentioned it, and you haven’t brought up the issue in an emotively laden situation, it should hopefully be rationally received. After this, drop the issue and if you’re still jealous, appreciate that this is your issue and not theirs. From here on in, your control on the situation should be entirely internal.

3- Think rather than feel. Internal philosophy is a way of life, one that needs training and time to adjust to. Here I’m defining philosophy as conscious thought, probing and exploration into why you do and feel what you do. Once you get into the habit of thinking rather than feeling (with regards to your negative emotions only!), the process will become easier to adopt. The deeper you can delve into an issue then the better equipped you will be to better tackle it. Do you feel angry? Why are you angry? What has happened to cause the action that has made you angry? What core value of yours is it that has been abused?

4- Categorise your emotions into the basics: Joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation. You’ll notice that jealousy isn’t one of these core emotions so it must have a different route. If you’re feeling jealous, appreciate that this isn’t anger, instead this might be the fear that you will be left for someone else.

5- If you cannot trust them, do not be with them. Whether it’s your problem as you generally suffer from a lack of trust in people and you can’t escape it despite having tried to deal with the situation, or it’s their issue in that they’re simply not trustworthy, end the relationship before it becomes polluted and damaging.

Tips

Trust is something that you give. People should always be given trust until they prove themselves untrustworthy, not the other way around.

Jealousy is internal. Although the issue may be exacerbated by your partner, ultimately the core of the problem lies with you. Be confident enough in yourself to be comfortable with your girlfriend ‘flirting’ with other men- that’s just how some people are.

If you’re girlfriend has only recently started to seek the attention of other males, perhaps it’s because you’re neglecting her emotionally or sexually?