How to Win a Girl’s Heart

Knowing how to win a girl’s heart can save you months of endless pining and heartache. In order to spare yourself the hardships of unrequited love, be pro-active and do something about it. Although everyone is different, here are some ideas about how to make that special something happen.

Photo Credit: Designlazy.com

Steps

1- Don’t come on too strong! Have tact and patience. Declaring your love for this person may seem like the romantic thing for you to do, but it probably won’t be perceived the same way by the receiver. Falling at this first hurdle will make it so much harder to get up and carry on. If you’ve already done this however, do not lose hope- keep reading!

2- Be well presented. Are you ‘well kept’? Are you overly niching possible partners due to adopting a particular style that may be unattractive to certain groups of women? Do you smell good? Are your clothes ironed? Are you in shape? Although correctly answering to all of these questions will make you more attractive to females, having made an effort towards this end will also naturally fill you with more confidence- something that is key to attraction.

3- Exude confidence. Whether you are naturally confident or not is irrelevant. Acting confidently is just that- acting! Confident people are much more likeable and easy to get on with. Smile, be forward and open with your body language, and take the initiative. 

4- Develop a good sense of humour. Having a good sense of humour doesn’t necessarily mean being the person who has to crack all the jokes all of the time. You don’t have to be a comedian as this is a skill that takes years to develop. Instead, take a light hearted view on things, don’t be too serious (but don’t be a clown either), don’t take everything that is said to heart, and think twice before negatively reacting to something or someone. Be playful and fun. Adopt a frame of mind where you see the positive in everything and a good sense of humour will naturally develop.

5- Do not place pressure on the situation. Although you may be keen to develop the relationship, having high expectations and exerting pressure will only discourage the girl in question from loving you. Relax and let things develop in their own time.  

6- Get her attention. Depending on the setting this can take many forms, but the key here is moderation. Act confidently but do not be over the top with your attention seeking. Even if you are not a very confident person, you can still ‘act’ confidently. In the first circumstance it is useful if you can get noticed without her realising that you are trying to attract her attention as, unfortunately, it is base human nature to want what you can’t have. Being slightly mysterious in the initial stages of courtship can go a long way further down the line. Wearing bright colours (“Peacocking”) is a subtle approach to this.

7- Initiate contact. Once you have her attention begin initiating eye contact. Eye contact is an incredibly powerful tool in enticing interest, however be aware that spending too much time in this phase can make an approach much harder and sometimes quite uncomfortable. Once you have made eye contact, make an introduction. Introductions ‘out of the blue’ may seem a little alien to most people so if you can be introduced by a friend who knows her already, this could be useful. If you are making an introduction ‘from scratch’, be forward and confident. Things will only ever be as uncomfortable as you make it! Providing that you are not sleazy with your approach, smile, and have not prefixed the introduction with eye contact that has been going on for way too long, at the very least the introduction will be politely received (if it’s not then the young lady in question is most likely not worth your time). Providing you have followed step 1 and have judged he situation well, conversation should develop. Try and let the young lady talk whilst you carefully listen, as remaining attentive yet still mysterious (i.e. you haven’t divulged your life story un-prompted), paints you in more attractive light.

8- Stay out of the friend zone. Whether on a night out or developing this relationship in college, if the proceedings are not carefully managed, it is far too easy to fall into the ‘friend zone’. Keep conversation fun and flirty (but not sleazy), and make subtle yet un-invasive contact whenever possible. Slight moments of discomfort and pauses in conversation are good as they keep the nature of the conversation flirtatious. In these brief moments, do not make it look like you’re trying to think of conversation, instead fill them with an action such as ordering drinks, or even making a compliment. Test the water by starting to throw out low-level “bait” i.e. subtle jokes that hint at sexual interest. A good baiting statement should be un-intrusive, playful, and fairly ambiguous. She/he will hopefully reciprocate with the same kind of “Baiting” so pay attention to what she/he says! Make it clear through a cheeky smile (or similar) that you have understood any subtle messages of this type that she/he may have sent you. Wait for her/him to continue conversation. 

Paying a compliment may help you to stay out of the friend zone. Something fairly simple and not too intrusive such as eyes, hair, lips or smile, are reasonably safe things to compliment on. Deliver the compliment in a softer, lower tone than usual and it will be better received.

9- If text flirting, ambiguity can be both your friend and foe. With the absence of readable body language, stand alone texts can often be misinterpreted. To avoid confusion, double read every text before you send it and approach the message from a different angle to ensure that the recipient will understand your intended message. Leaving a text deliberately unclear (perhaps very subtle innuendo) can actually engage the recipient in thought about you, contemplating whether a hidden message was intended or not.

10- Spend time with her. This is easier said than done. You want to spend time with her doing something that she enjoys doing to make her feel comfortable, but do not seem to be smothering. Try and find yourself in her company as naturally as possible, but give her space before she has to request it!

11- Be chivalrous: Open doors, stand as she enters a room, offer to carry her bags, offer her your jacket if she’s cold, remember your manners, avoid overly cursing, listen to her when she talks!

12- Make her feel special. Small gestures can go a long way yet should avoid being ‘creepy’. Find small, individual ways to let her know you like her. Don’t seek acknowledgement for any gestures as this will cause the situation to become stuffy. Simple but meaningful compliments delicately delivered will always pleasantly catch her by surprise- again do not over-do it. 

13- Time to make a larger gesture. Be brave! Do not make the gesture public as she may become embarrassed and resent you for it. Something as simple as sending her flowers to something more involved such as planning a day out. If you do plan a day out, have everything arranged before-hand so all she has to do is to meet you. Deliberately create romantic moments (note plural here- some opportunities will be missed so be sure to have more than one up your sleeve!).

14- If you’re too nervous to approach in person, a hand written letter shows that you have put thought into it. Do not text or email for this kind of thing!

Tips

Although communication is key to relationships, some things are best left unspoken i.e. the mystery and allure of flirting with someone should not be ruined by raising the issue verbally. 

If you have fallen into the friend’s zone, you may be less inclined to act on feelings that you have towards them (for fear of ‘losing a friend’) and this will certainly cloud your judgement on whether they like you back. I honestly feel that it is better to act on your feeling if unsure. If you act but they do not reciprocate these romantic feelings towards you, a good friend will always get over this in comparatively little time and your friendship will be much less damaged than what it would have been if you had simply swept all of these feelings under the carpet.

If a girl doesn’t like you, just cut your losses and move on. Obsession is an incredibly painful thing so recognise its approach and get out before it’s too late